This season of my life feels like a race where I can not even keep up with where to go. But through it all I am learning one thing: to be kind to myself. It took me a long time to get to this point. It took depression, anxiety, pain, hurt and losing some of the closest people I have known. Life does not always wait on you to become the best version of yourself. That means that it is totally up to you to make that decision whether you will work for the woman you are becoming and give some TLC for the woman you are.
I have been a place where I want to deepen my relationship with God as my gifts are still showing themselves each day. It is like I get a fire burning for my gifts but at the same time I am struggling with vulnerability. I am struggling with having to be transparent. I am struggling with telling those stories that I had to fight through to reclaim who I was. I fought hard and I mean I fought hard. I fought so much mentally that for years I have still been recovering and some days I still have “those days”.
But Queen, I can tell you one thing is that God has reminded me in this season that I am in that HE LOVES ME. It started to show me that when He took me to the Book of Ruth. I mean if you read it God’s love is shown throughout the whole story. When you pick up all you trust and begin to walk and follow God despite what it looks like the love God has for you shows up as He provides, protects and heals you. Through the years, I have ONLY gotten better because of God’s love for me.
That made me realize that for years, I missed a simple thing in going through tests and trails, the storms, the dark and silent seasons. I forgot to take care of myself. I forgot to be nice to me. I forgot to be kind to me. So, now as I am striving to be the woman I desire to be, I am taking care of the woman I am now, practicing ways to be kind to myself.
Forgiveness
I had to really learn to forgive others and love them from a distance if that meant STRONG boundaries were held. I had to forgive not only the person but the words and actions I held on to for years. This is still a work in progress for me but you can not keep playing the same broken record and hope it will play out right. For me it took therapy, journaling, consistent Quiet Time with God and a whole lot of allowing myself to feel. But through all of it, the ability to forgive is a huge part of being kind to not only yourself mentally but emotionally. You can grow when you have let go of the heaviness. It is not yours to hold on to. We are told in the Word to cast our cares on the Lord and he will never let the righteous be shaken. (Psalms 55:22)
Speaking Life
Speaking ill to yourself will only leave you ill. Words are just like food, they give you nourishment or give you problems. Let’s be honest, we really are what we eat. Words are the same thing. You get fed on how you continue to nourish yourself. When I learned that, I began to speak life to myself because I was so worthy of love. I blamed so much of my life’s experiences on the lack of love I felt, why I felt rejected, and abandoned. But the TRUTH was I did not know what love was. I did not know that it started within. I didn’t know that I attract the love I give off. So, I started simply by speaking life into my situations especially when a negative thought came I would say something positive to combat it. Then that turned into a guided self-love affirmation video on YouTube I would recite every morning for months. My life surely shifted once I began to speak life into myself. You choose the words you say to yourself so just make sure it is words of kindness.
Self-Care
Sometimes I will do the yoga, take a nap, meditate or take a bubble bath just because. But these things really help me to come back to myself. They relieve me from any stress or anxiety I feel and I love it. I am always trying to be peaceful and that is what self-care does for me. When you are processing through any hurt, pain, past trauma, insecurities, unforgiveness etc., you will need to make sure you are taking care of yourself always. It is a priority!
Rest
Rest is so crucial to my journey because sometimes I overwork myself and push myself just a little harder than expected. So, me having a Sabbath day helps me to just be still and rest up from my long and productive week. I mean true rest, I mean no blog, no school, no cooking, no cleaning etc. Throughout the week, we give so much not only in what we physically do but mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually. After all that, you need time to rest up. God rested in creating His great works of the world and surely I can rest to make sure that I am resting to be alert and aware enough to be obedient to what God has for me to do. Hebrews 4:10 says, “For anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from His”. I really take it seriously because it gives me a chance to refuel for the week ahead. I may take time to journal, read or watch an uplifting movie but that day is solely for resting.
Always be kind to you. How kind you are to yourself will show. I pray that it really shows you to keep up habits where you can take care of yourself like you should be. I pray that you speak life to yourself on the good and bad days, forgive and let things go, show yourself a little TLC each day, and rest up!
Peace & Blessings Beautiful,
Toni
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