There was a time where I would just suppress all of my emotions. I would curl up and suffer silently. Mostly because most of my life I was told that you were not supposed to have a pity party for yourself. And, seriously that messed me up physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I was left to a smile on my face but feeling awful on the inside. That was killing me on the inside for years. It was not until I started exploring myself spiritually, that I found who I was. And, one thing I knew is that I had to have the opportunity to speak about my issues because the lack of healing was blocking me from my calling and my purpose.
My childhood was traumatic for me. Through my trying behavior as a teenager, I still did not come to any awareness of my pain. Then my college experience taught me the true meaning of your deepest pain will come out in times that you need to grow. On the outside, I was flourishing but on the inside I was stuck...well at least that is how I felt. My whole college experience, I went down memory lane and processing it was hard. In 2014, my boyfriend then but now fiance' asked me to go to church with him and it seemed that the healing started there. I had been in church as little girl. I remember the Easter speeches and singing in the children's choir but that was all. Honestly, I told my fiance' that I was scared and I thought that it would be better if I didn't go. But he just insisted that I need to go meet his grandparents who mean the world to him. So, I went and the rest is history. From his grandmother's gentleness in spirit to his grandfather's stern love for God, it made me realize a sense of community and love. It brought in the desire to seek God in my life.
Ever since then I have taken the time to seek God. Every day I ask to have a burning fire for God. In my journey of spirituality, I have been up, down, to the left, to the right but I have always done my best to circle back to God. I have realized that I have been in pain that only God could release me from. I have had deep, dark moments where God has brought me out of. Honestly, a full 360 has came out of me and there is something that God wants from me that is why it has happened. It took me so long to figure that out. I mean a lot of tears, journal entries, bad mental health days and bad habits. All I can advise you to do is seek God in all you do. Go get your spiritual healing. You may have to pray it out, show up and show out in quiet time, go see a therapist, read the Word, go to church, meditate, journal until your hands fall off or just rest. But whatever you do go and take the time you need to heal spiritually. We all have an assignment here but who can we help and be right in spirit, if we are not well within ourselves in any area.
Start where you are:
Maybe it will take you to sit down and evaluate how you will get through this. Take some time to journal and figure out how you feel at this present moment. Research spiritual wellness and figure out who and what you believe in. Then practice at it every day. And, it is totally okay not to see fast results. Everything is on God's timing.
Some things you can do to begin healing spiritually:
1. Spend time being still and reflecting on areas where you are hurting.
2. Take time to pray over anyone who has hurt you or any situations that have brought you pain.
3. Forgive anyone and anything that brought you pain.
4. Express your gratitude for where you are now from where you have been.
5. Pray each day for healing and moving forward.
6. Journal about your feelings through the healing process.
7. Use resources like books, prayer journals, bible plans, etc. to help you grow closer to God.
8. Take the journey one day at a time.
9. Try things like yoga, meditation; activities that will calm you when things get tough.
10. Find scriptures that remind you of God's love, plans, and promises for your life.
Remember...
Healing takes time. Everyone's journey is different. You may need to tackle the healing by parts but you will get through it. God has a way of loving us even when we don't feel loved ourselves. And, when we think that it has been too much, God reminds us that He has a plan and He will be there through it every step of the way. Queen, you have the ability to face the obstacles to becoming a better you. You are strong. You are enough. You are resilient!
Peace & Blessings
Toni
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